i know my self better than the others. i know im kinda strong girl, but not strong enough to face the reality. not strong enough to walk in the street of this broken heart. yeah, called me crybaby then. i would not to give any refusal for it. its just the way i am.
my mother told me what she saw of me. i looked so pathetic and weird. and i totally agree with her. i dont need any mirror to see how bad my self because i know. and the worst part is.. im feeling. i never like how it feels when the heart and the brain work together in one job named broken heart.
i was holding on my pen and face a book since this evening. the gost of our memories were flying in front of me and urging to out. but i dont know how the hell it way. okey, i just dont know how to start it.
i was trying to write, because it just all that i could do at all my problems before. if i was getting mad of something, i always write it. and for no reason, i was getting better after that. it feels like i opened my head, i took the problem and put it in papers, then i lock my head. tadaaaa the new finta was reborn!!
ok, for this case it cant work! you know, i was wasting my time just for seeing a blank page of my book. because i dont know how to write! i dont know how to start!
hhh what the hell is happen?
first, im losing my love
second, im losing my energy to keeping alive.
third, im losing my ability to write. the only expertise that i have.
and what i wanna write is not about the memories. just my new point of view. just what is disturbing in the head. i wanna throw it out, seriously.
im expecting my expertise but i dont have any if dont have energy for being alive. i dont have energy to life if i lose my love..
haha it just kinda devil circle..
again, i write this unimportant posting because im getting 'mentok' of my self. sory for reading.