She sits beside me. Not literally, a hand brake and gear transmission are between us. I know I supposed to put all my attention on the street but I can’t stop myself to steal a glance on her. She’s so quiet, I thought she’s asleep. She’s never shut her mouth unless when she falls into a deep sleep. Even sometimes I notice she talks in her sleep, inviting me to whatever life she was facing in her dreamland.
But I see her eyes wide open, locked in to the window beside her. Her lively pretty eyes are now dreary. I don’t think she’s staring to any views outside my car. She’s in her own complicated mind. I’m sure that the night view and mellow songs the radio plays escorting her mind deeper to somewhere I wish I don’t know.
Hell yeah, I know. Wherever the place is, whether its near or far, there’s no me in there. And I can’t stand the thought of being in the separate place with her. Even being not together is the only thing that is certain between us.
“Do you want to go somewhere or straight to go home?” her home I mean. We are on our way to take her home. And that words are just my way to break the silent, to distract her daydreaming.
And I did it. She turns her face to mine. She’s pale because her make ups are faded, her lips are no longer as pink as this morning, and I can see how tired she is from the look in her eyes. I know that the only thing she wanted if tonight was not ‘tonight’ is her comfort bed.
“I don’t know. You decide, boss,” She answered.
I sigh and reply, “Since you quit the company months ago, our only tittle for each other is friend. No more or less.”
“Ok, ok. Relax,” She giggled. I finally see some energy in her.
“So, where do you want to go?”
“Have you packed everything you need to bring?” She changed the subject.
“Just a little more and it will be done. Why?”
“Then, we should go to your house. We don’t have much time till your flight. I don’t want any of your things, especially the important ones, being left in here just because you take me home and finish your packing in hurry.”
She delays the separation. And I don’t mind. I change the direction to my house.
“I’m going to do the packing. You take a bath. We will be done at the same time and go to the airport.” She instructs me when her feet reach the land.
I nod. I can always trust her with all of my things, she knows everything better than I do. Besides, her packing skill is in the expert level, she packed for me everytime I need to leave the city for work. As for my personal secretary or my partner she does a great job, even exceeding my expectation. How can I not adore her?
Minutes later I get out from the bathroom and found her standing with all of the luggage in the front room. She’s right, we will be done at the same time, and its happened. Her words are dead prize, she always stick to it, always make it happens. Sometimes it’s great but at times it can be scary.
Just like two months ago when she said she agreed to marry a guy her parents chose for her.
“We have no future, boss, what can we do if the one who forbid us to be together is God? Whatever we do won’t make things different unless one of us agree to cross the bridge, and I’m sure neither one of us would.”
Just a sentence and my worlds collide.
I know that was the end of us. I knew it even before I dare to love her. I was aware enough to understand she’s out of my reach. Still, I lose to love.
But I know, the feeling of regret of losing and loving her won’t ever come to me even the slightest.
Being with her is like having fun at the theme park, we can enjoy the rides there, pause all the reality we have and just cherish the moment even we know its not forever and the theme park has its closed time.
Her eyes meet mine as I make myself closer to her.
“I’m done,” she says proudly.
“Isn’t it funny when you are the one who is leaving but I am the one who has the flight ticket and the
She draws a bitter smile on her face. Suddenly I have the urge to hug her.
“You can stay if you want to.”
“I don’t want to see you standing at the altar with anyone other than me, you knew it.”
“I’m sorry, boss.”
“You don’t have to. You’ve made it up to me by do the packing. Will it be the last?”
“The party is over, boss. The theme park has already closed. You need to learn how to pack yourself, or you need to find someone who will do the favor for you.”
We out from each other’s arms, feeling the heat of her body slowly make a distance from mine. The distance that will be just permanent.
We leaving the house and reaching for the airport. I tried so hard to hold myself from doing any skinship to her when she sends me in front of the check in room.
Her hands waving me goodbye as I leave her to board. I take that as a goodbye for all the things we had, all the things that we used to be.
I can see her beautiful face gets wet, the tears she’s holding the entire time finally falls. I know I can do nothing. Because by the time I see that face again, she will be someone else’s.