Yesterday, out of nowhere, I got the willingness to clean my room. I've done like BIG CLEANING, literally I didn't even miss any inches of the room. It started at 2 p.m and done at 10 p.m. Damn cool right? :3
But that was not the point I want to tell. The thing was that I always get touched of every single memories that I found in every corner of my room like
1. The old tickets when I see some movies and concerts (then I started to wonder whoever accompanied me and things we've done before and after the movies and concert.
2. The old KKN calendar (then I wonder about nights me and my housemates crossed every dates before we gone to bed).
3. The stupid "OMG Lee Min Ho ganteng" calculation me and my sister made when we watched Lee Min Ho's The Heir because we just couldn't stop ourselves from screaming the obvious fact that Lee Min Ho is so ganteng.
4. The old childhood photos when my dad and mom still together (then I got emotional, who's not btw?)
5. The birthday greetings. (Yes I collect the greetings from my 16th birthday till now!)
6. Exams papers (They gone straight to the garbage, of course!)
7. High school notes I made for preparing the UNAS and SNMPTN (Its hard to threw that because its full color and beautiful)
8. Old diaries and journal from elementary school till 2014. (Yes, no longer writing things anymore because thesis and works and days of stuck with myself are not exciting).
9. My old writings from elementary school till high school and that's so cool. (I once wrote about rabbit land and it was so cute. The rabbit was an artist and she got to the dormitory. I cant believe the old me has such an imagination).
10. Events and organizations files.
11. Old newspapers that showed my name when I was accepted in the university and old magazines and newspaper that published my poems.
12. The old poems I made on random papers and random times like when in class or waiting the buss or when in line on the bank.
Still many things I found and they cut me in the heart every time I chose to threw them for the sake of cleaning. I always cherish every moments by saving every little things in my life to the future me and yesterday, I really felt it.
I always wonder how it will feel when someday the future me found those things. How it feel to remember things that passed and all of the journey I've been through. The good news is when it finally hit me, I thank God because it was just in the right time.
I really do need anything to cheer me up, nowadays, to lift my spirit up and those pieces of memories did a good work. I feel like I found the long lost me that I always love. That maybe anyone can leave me, even the closest one, and yes, I am allowed to be sad. But one thing, don't let any problems and sadness and losts to make my self losing my own self, my own identity, my own motivation.
Thank you, the past me, it was good to know that the one who can do this was my self. That every mindsets on my brain and every feelings in my heart was me, my-very-own-self ,that has the power to control. Its very great to know that I can stand on my own feet more than I know.
And for the patience of reading this nonsense, I will give you the unfinished poems I found.
I really forgot when I wrote this and who was the muse of the poem but I think it was really good. So I finished it just a while ago before deciding to post it (the last two line is the new ones)
Sajak Tak Bertuan
Kamu diam. Bibirmu rapat. Matamu tak menatap
Atau kamu malu mendeklamasi?
Kamu racun tanpa penawar. Dan aku tak kuasa melawan
Cinta tanpa syarat sebagai alasan
Atau egoku tak mampu ditekan?
So, the morale story is don't ever stop appreciating your self even in the low point of your life because if you're not, who will?
P.S: Do you have any idea for whom I wrote the poem was?
Pict source: http://img04.deviantart.net/628f/i/2010/080/7/6/messy_room_by_scottyrobotty.jpg