Something About Love

sometimes, having much people care about you is not necessarily good. atau mungkin sebaliknya. memiliki banyak orang yang selalu menginginkan perhatian dari kamu juga nggak selamanya baik. mungkin bukan perhatian, tapi keberadaan. yah keberadaan.

i love to spread much loves. especially for those people who have meaning in my life. but i always welcome to love. to listen. to help. to be in those peoples side when they need me or not. i love being in crowded. i love doing something to make people i love laugh. i love being loved. having much loves is something i should be grateful.

but i hate being trapped in love.

i'm lost. i don't have any stones to stand. i hate being weak but i absolutely am. i tried my best to make everything in shape. and now, i'm tired. tired to always yield, always blamed, always judged. i'm sad to see everything ends like this. and i'm tired to always feel guilty for things i didn't do.

my mother ever told me, "kebahagian seseorang itu bukan tanggung jawab siapapun melainkan dirinya sendiri,"

i want to be happy. and the love you have makes me walk in nowhere. the judges you give bury me in grief. and you know, i don't like this kind of love. 

maybe right now, i don't even know what happiness means. but i know how remorse feels like. and i don't want it to happen again in my-one-and-only life. so, parents, let me run for it. because, the one who's living in my life is me. 

please understand, i'm in a deep desperate to choose. i love my life as much as i love you. but i know i cant have both because both of them have the opposite. and i'm too tired to continue this hopeless drama.

please understand, if you love me please let me live my life peacefully.

call me selfish. but i have life goes on. i have dreams. i have me to be loved by my self.